And these are not childbearing hips (yet).
Tomorrow is Boy Robin’s and my first wedding anniversary. I can hardly believe one whole year has gone by. It kind of snuck up on me (hence my running around last night after work and again this morning, putting together Boy Robin’s anniversary gift, but that is a topic for another post). The year has gone by so fast. We are still totally newlyweds, right?
Certainly, we haven’t graduated to “old married couple” just yet. We’re still savouring the newness of it all. Still settling into our roles of husband and wife. Granted, they’re not much different from boyfriend and girlfriend or fiancé and and fiancée, but different nonetheless. I still get a secret thrill when I say “my husband”, or someone calls me “Mrs Robin” (although I studiously put “Ms” on any form I fill in, because whether I’m married or not is really none of your business, random customer satisfaction questionnaire).
While we’re still savouring newlywed life, it would seem that all and sundry want us to race to the future. Well-meaning friends, family and acquaintances ask me when we intend to have children (note me, I’ve checked and Boy Robin seems to completely escape this line of interrogation). My mother-in-law more than once has told other people in front of me that she has already put in her order for grandchildren, with the unspoken sentiment being that she is impatiently waiting for the order to be filled.
Of course, Boy Robin and I have talked about children. Funnily enough, before vowing to love and honour each other all the days of our life, we sat down and talked about whether we both want to have children (we do). I have known more than one relationship which has been unable to survive one person wanting children in the future while the other person does not.
I understand this line of questioning. People seem to ask it as a matter of course and without any thought of the implications. To have children is the next logical step and people fall back onto it as a conversation filler. Not to mention society generally views children a joy. Why wouldn’t anyone want to jump on the baby-making train as soon as possible?
However, it is a deeply personal decision, with so many personal tangents. Children are life changers. They are permanent. A certain financial position makes having children a lot easier than if you have not reached that position. And on the other side of the coin, what if we were trying to have children and failing miserably? Such questions would be rubbing salt into an already painful wound.
In any event, I’m still revelling in this wife thing and children seem a long way off. There is so much I want to do with Boy Robin before we settle down to have children – see where our careers take us, travel the world, enjoy our little nest (which, by the way, is not particularly child-friendly).
Have you seen The Ugly Volvo‘s Why You Should Never, Ever, Ever Get a Tattoo (but Having a Baby is Fine)? Hilarious. I’ve known some people to respond to the question of when they will have children with: “Unfortunately, I’m barren.” Usually my response to people who ask when we will have children is: “Boy Robin and I have talked about it and have come to the conclusion the world is overpopulated enough as it is and we’d rather not contribute to that overpopulation.”
Maybe the next time I am asked, I will respond with: “You know, when I think about it, having children seems like such an expensive, permanent decision which will cause people to judge me, limit my career, ruin my body and cause me a great deal of pain. I’m thinking of getting a tattoo instead.”